just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
