Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
