Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
