4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
