im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
