The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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