Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
