Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did you pee in the oven last night??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
