I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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