Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Terrible idea I love it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
