I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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