Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
