Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
