i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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