I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
