Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
