He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
