put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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