I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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