I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize