I met the friendliest cop last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
