So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
