I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
