Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
