NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
