If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
