Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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