I have demons in me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have aggressive nipples.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
