i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize