I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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