i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
