she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
