Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
