I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
