I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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