meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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