wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
