how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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