Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
