so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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