i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
