you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
jump out the window naked night went bad
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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