Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
