Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dicks are not precious.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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