I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
