shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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