i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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