don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
