I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
