I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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