Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't deserve a penis
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
