I think I died a long time ago.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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