Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
