can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
