I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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