I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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