Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
