If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
