I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
