I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
