I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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