I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How does it feel to date your dad?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
