she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
