You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
