It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
