I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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