At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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