I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
