Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
